"Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound!" was how Supermans superpowers were described. Always struck me as a bit showy-offy to be honest but if that floats your boat then so be it. As well as Superman we've had Spiderman who could swing from building to building using spiders webs that quite bizarrely came out of his wrists when we all know spiders webs come out of their bum, and Batman whose main superpower seemed to be that he was very very rich which, call me 'picky,' doesn't seem to be much of a superpower but anyway I digress. I've always fancied having a superpower as whilst I can eat at warp speed, hear a biscuit barrel opening at a 1000 paces and can defeat any number of pigeon armies this all doesn't quite seem to add up to superpowers. Then it hit me, I have a superpower and one that basically trumps all others. My superpower is that I am adorable. Now I know that at first thought that might not seem like a superpower but trust me it is. My superpower means that I can actually control matter! My humans can be absolutely busting for a pee but if I am fast asleep on them I can actually prevent them moving. I know - amazing. On top of that I can create and change laws better than any parliament. When I first arrived here there were rules about not climbing on certain pieces of furniture, not going upstairs, not being fed between meals and now those rules have gone. I know - amazing! Finally I can shape shift my humans. Only last night I was on the bed, in the middle obviously, basically star fishing and without me even saying a word my humans moulded around me, clinging to the edge of the bed whilst I slept in glorious comfort. So Superman, Spiderman, Batman and all you other uniformed superheroes I see your powers and I trump them all with my adorability. The call from Hollywood can only be a matter of time and you heard it here first and I would like to ensure all my loyal fans that becoming A list will not change me I will remain the same dog next door that I always have been but I will insist that the 'slow-bowl' is given the chop.
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