Well this has been a rollercoaster of a week.
Firstly Thanos and his floozy have started setting up home in my tree. The damn impudence of it. I could just about cope with the canoodling but now the realisation that they are neighbours has shaken me to the core. That's the property prices knackered. It can only be a matter of time before I hear the pitter patter of tiny claws . What joy. However on Tuesday I came within an inch of Thanos's tail feathers. I think he was distracted with thoughts of homemaking and what he is going to call his impending family of delinquents and his take off from the lawn was lethargic. My sprint was in full warp mode and I very nearly had him. I now have renewed hope that when his brood appear he will be exhausted like all new parents and that could be my moment. I live in hope.
I've also had a couple of trips to the vets. Firstly on a stroll down the river I managed to injure myself under the chin. To be honest I don't know how it happened but there was blood. Precious Norfolk blood was spilt. Luckily I am made of strong stuff so there was no fainting, no histrionics just calm acceptance, by me at least. The same can't be said for my Mother. She went full 'New Amsterdam' and I was whisked down to the vets for a check up. Due to Covid the examination was done in the carpark which is not what one expects from modern medicine in a civilised country but in these times I am prepared to let it go. Now I've been to the vets enough to know the routine and was fully expecting to have my temperature taken - why do they feel the need to do that on every visit? Its unnecessary and quite unpleasant. But as it was I was sent away with some antibiotics and some painkiller.
Two days later I was back at the vets as I had woken up with one eye shut. I looked like a pirate and I did over hear my Dad saying rather than take me to the vets again could we not just buy him a parrot - bit uncalled for to be honest. So off I went again and this time I had an abscess in my eye. I didn't even know that was 'a thing' but apparently it is and I had it. I suspect it is a new thing to science and maybe it will be a condition that is named after me - forevermore patients will be told by vets that they have a bad case of 'Geoffreys Eye.' Anyway so now in addition to the antibiotics and painkillers I am having drops in my eye. I think I am personally keeping Big Pharma afloat.
Then yesterday I accompanied my Mum outside the house and as we opened the door there was a cat! Imagine that. Right outside my door. My Mum called me back and I did what all self respecting Norfolks do - I totally ignored her and set off in hot pursuit. When I chase Thanos I frequently attain Warp speed but this was on a whole different level. I actually think I was blurred to the human eye I was going that fast. Think 'Roadrunner' on fast forward and you will be somewhere close. Whilst on hot pursuit (memo to self 'Can I get some sort of siren that comes on when in hot pursuit?') I somehow managed to cut my foot so there were a series of bloody footprints in the boot room when I came back. This was the cue for another panic attack by my mother. Boy she does worry about me, if only she could understand that I am Sir Geoffrey the Valiant and I am indestructible. As it was it was more 'show than go' so after a few licks of my foot (me not her - that would be odd) I am as right as rain.
Phew, what a week but in fairness its fairly normal for a Norfolk. Its how we roll. Never a dull moment.
The week in numbers
Number of times Thanos has taunted me - 6
Number of times I have chased Thanos away - 6
Number of times I nearly caught Thanos - 1
Number of trailer trash neighbours who have moved in - 2
Number of times I have had my temperature taken - 0 :)
Number of trips to the vets this week - 3
All in all a good week !
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