Like all self respectable Norfolks I am infinitely interested in my stomach. I can literally eat anything and frequently do. Be that decaying rodents and birds, cat poo or absolutely anything that falls on to the kitchen floor. I know I am not alone in this. One of my best mates managed to eat a whole potato...and I mean whole. Didn't chew it just hoovered it up and it went on its way down the pipe. Sadly for him it only went half way through before getting wedged like a tuberous container ship in the Suez Canal. Big respect though to my pal Alfie as that is next level eating. I remain in awe of him. Anyway I digress. So, when I heard so I was getting a new food bowl I had a certain spring in my step as that is pretty much Norfolk heaven. When it arrived I'll be honest I was a bit underwhelmed with the colour - battleship grey hardly says 'gourmet food' does it but no matter, its what goes in it that counts.
Anyway this morning was the first time the bowl was used in anger and I have to say it didn't go well. Basically whoever designed this bowl is an idiot, on mind bending drugs, or both. Its got these ridges and curves that make getting the food out damn nigh impossible. I have a personal best for eating meals of 4 seconds but with this thing that record will stand for eternity. If eating food becomes an Olympic sport I will never grace the podium whilst Alfie may well be awarded Bronze, Silver and Gold. Fair play to him though - a whole potato! It took me nearly 6 minutes to eat breakfast. 6 Minutes! Didn't even think that was possible. Glaciers have eroded mountains faster.
I've checked and no-one else in the family seems to have one of these new fangled bowls so I am not sure what can be going on here and I just hope they have kept the receipt for when they realise they have been fobbed off with a defective bowl. Thats the trouble with that there internet...you pays your money and you takes your chance. My Mum once ordered a dwarf gourmet cabbage and the cads sent her a Brussel Sprout.
Today in numbers
Previous PB for eating breakfast - 4 seconds
Current PB for eating breakfast - 6 minutes 3 seconds
Where I am on the scale of 0-10 about my new bowl - 1 (and thats generous!)
Number of things I ate on my walks that I shouldn't have - 3 (hardly surprising - I was delirious with hunger)
Number of times Thanos has taunted me - 5 (could have been more but I was eating my breakfast for half the day)
Number of times I chased Thanos away - 5 (see above)
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